My
mind is very busy, to say the least. I am on the autistic spectrum, so I need
to create the right conditions before a writer’s focus is even remotely
possible. I write in a café, safely recessed into a corner where I can see
trees outside whose gyrations record the high turnings of the wind, clouds and changes
in light, pickup trucks rumbling past with rakes and shovels in the back,
parents pushing strollers and skateboards jumping curbs, where I can hear the
humming of conversations and trains, indistinct like the babbling of waters. In
this way I feel human, grounded and included, with enough sensory stimulation
but not too much. I live in Redlands, California now, so most of the time the
writing is happening in Bricks and Birch Café near my house, across from the
old police station, down the street from the exquisite temple of our public
library, the Lincoln Shrine and the oddly formal outdoor Grecian auditorium
which houses two free concerts per week all through the summer. From my table
in the corner I can see queen palms and fan palms, Lebanese cedar, jacarandas, yucca,
pine, olive trees, Mexican birds of paradise, fire hydrants and one stop sign.
I
am grateful for this life. All of my relatives were artists, writers and
storytellers, carvers and quilters, in barns and garages, after farm work,
after folding clothes at the thrift store, after taking orders in restaurants
and office buildings, after the assembly line, after laying rail line or
preaching in the country church—I am the first one to make a living from this,
to be a creative writing professor. I
write after talking about and thinking about writing all week, all weekend, all
summer, all winter. Everything I do is part of the writing life. I never forget
that this is a privilege folded inside a responsibility.
In
order to write I need to feel a sense of timelessness, of being off the
calendar and off the clock. I often start by reading a good book of poetry
slowly and thoughtfully, or I stare out the window. I drift into an attentive
consciousness, one which is especially sensory and embodied, empathetic and
awake. In this state the colors sharpen, the wood grain and reflectivity of
glass, the fan blades and the shadows of bicycle wheels in motion over the
concrete, the surfaces and forms clarify. The world provides its own subject
matter and I follow it where it goes, outward in concentric rings, inward in
concentric rings. The dimensionality and elasticity of mind begins with this
embodied sensory experience. The metaphysical distances open up through the
ordinary surfaces. Then the words begin.
The
words come in bundles and strings. Each string is surrounded by space and
silence. I trace the words and record them. I hear them and feel them and see
them at about the same time. The words come from wars and from homeless
shelters, from off-ramps and parking lots, from the high desert Santa Ana winds
sluicing through the canyons and passes, from Oklahoma, , San Francisco,
Michigan and Thailand, from the delicate eyes of children and the tumbling of
dice. The words teach me and surprise me, and I record them faithfully.
While
writing, I try not to evaluate the material, not to assign it a place within a
given writing project or to relegate it to whatever requests I’m fielding from
lit journals. The instant the mind of the editor or agent takes over, the
covenant with language is broken and the meditation closes up.
I
write until I am too tired to maintain this level of wakefulness and singular
focus, then I drift back into my name and look around for someone to talk to. I
get up, take a walk around the block, think about what I’ve written, come back
to my seat, reread it all and do some light editing. It’s possible to re-enter
the writer’s mind from here, to write some more or to just drift into other activities.
Regardless, the remaining hours of the day feel special, hallowed and haloed.
The best days are writing days, and the writing touches everything.
Chad Sweeney is the author of six
books of poetry, Little Million Doors
(Nightboat Books, 2019), Parable of Hide
and Seek (Alice James), White Martini
of the Apocalypse (Marick), Wolf’s
Milk (bilingual Spanish/English, Forklift Books), An Architecture
(BlazeVOX), and Arranging the Blaze (Anhinga), and two books of translation, The Art of Stepping Through Time, the
selected poems of Iranian dissident poet, H.E. Sayeh (White Pine) and Pablo
Neruda’s final book, Calling on the
Destruction of Nixon and the Advancement of the Chilean Revolution (Marick,
2019). Sweeney’s poems have been included in Best American Poetry, The
Pushcart Prize Anthology and Verse Daily. He is the editor of the
City Lights anthology, Days I Moved Through Ordinary Sounds: Teaching
Artists of WritersCorps in Poetry and Prose, and Iroquois elder Maurice
Kenny’s posthumous collection of poetry and prose: Monahsetah, Resistance,
and Other Markings on Turtle’s Back (Mongrel Empire Press). Chad Sweeney
holds an MFA from San Francisco State University and a PhD from Western
Michigan University. He is an Associate Professor of English/Creative Writing
at California State University San Bernardino where he edits Ghost Town Lit Mag. He lives in southern California with his partner, Jennifer Kochanek
Sweeney, and their two little boys.
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